real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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