Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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