I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
