I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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