Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
