This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
