id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
