im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so let's talk penis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
