Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
