just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
