I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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