just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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