dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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