I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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