I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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