the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
