i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
