is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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