Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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