Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
