i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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