Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
