we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
