I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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