I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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