wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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