We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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