After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
