About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
