Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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