You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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