I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
