you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
