If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
