Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
