So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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