too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize