Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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