I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz