I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.