you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
