well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
even my farts smell like vagina
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
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I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch