dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor