Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.