Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
