I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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