I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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