In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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