i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
