I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
