yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
