I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize