Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
