One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
