Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
