What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
