Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
