Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
