Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
