If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
