I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
