I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
