mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
