haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize