i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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