Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
