I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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