Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
