I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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