Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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