found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
